3. Wants

I have so many thoughts and always fail to write them down when they come to mind...

Not much is going on on this side of the computer screen... I'll be back at school sooner than I expected; I got the RA job on campus :) Quite an accomplishment granted so many students interviewed, however I'm having a hard time being excited... blame it on me not loving Howard University the way a college student should love their school? Hmph. Two more years only two more years... Enough of my ramblings, now to business at hand...

Topic of today:

'I Want Him (...or her) So Bad'

I'm sure a few of you tilted your heads in a bit of confusion as you read this, but first off the '...or her' is strictly for the males to relate (if they're even still reading at this point; I know my posts can be a bit female directed..anyway) and secondly, the reason. At a party a few weeks ago, as a friend of mine (girl of course) continued to gab in the corner of the party and people watch as we sipped from our red solo cups (so cliche...) she proceeds to motion for me to look at our friend (who I would never be sexually attracted to nor even begin to think he was attractive for that matter) and says 'Oh God... I want him, so bad.' Now, at the moment I kind of giggled at the statement, then realizing she was serious. I was unsure then of why she didn't just go for it, I mean I really think she had a chance given my standpoint on how they both act and how compatible they are. But go for what exactly? What does she 'want'? Him to be her boo, or him, as in, that night?

After my friend said that and I had laughed, almost immediately I began to realize that if the tables had of been turned, I very well could have said the very same thing, and meant so many different things. I'm really trying to make myself a stronger person when it comes to relationships, but it is a journeyyy I tell ya. I'm extremely timid and I believe this is what has gotten me to 'wanting him so bad.' One day, I want a boo, but sometimes, many times, I think I've just been without a little male attention for a while and now I'm really needing to, quench my thirst, I should say. Ha. Admitting is the 1st step, eh?

It's frustrating because these 'wants' can be so different, so easily can be judged or taken the wrong way, but any way you put it it always seems to be fueled by this inner sensual side that normally someone like me wouldn't dare think to let out but in the moment you really don't care. It's always the guy that got away that you talk to every once in a while that says all the right things and you think of all the moments you all had together where you could have done whatever you pleased with him--from being the boo to merely just getting close to him, (but didn't in my case) and then you realize you 'want him so bad' but it's too late... or is it? The guy that you are such good friends with, the one you see and your face lights up, the one that you look across the room at him at a party and the only thing you can think about is how amazing he looks and you 'want him so bad' (and have secretly for years) but don't know if he feels the same even though it feels like he does (and has definitely, undeniably, just about openly let you know there's something there). Should you ask? (Not at that moment in the middle of a party of course... ha) Or no, don't ever bring it up... fearing that he'll think you're crazy and obsessive? Or what about the guy that you suddenly realize is there and always has been but you never really paid much attention too but all of a sudden you 'want him soo bad'?

People always say just let things flow,

but sometimes, the flow doesn't go and then you never know.

So, I guess the question is, do you go with your feeling, this 'wanting him (...or her)' and make a move BECAUSE IT FREAKING FEELS RIGHT (when it seems like nothing ever does)...? Or do you just wing it. Go with the flow. Keep waiting? And then risk letting another moment, something else, someone else, slip away?

Maybe I think too much?

My thoughts are ram-sacked. Who knows. Whatever you do, stay safe. That's real.

As always, C.LO :)